


Shadow's Choice

by Small_Hobbit



Category: The Rake's Progress - Stravinsky/Auden/Kallman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4056094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Regency morality tale, in which true love conquers all</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadow's Choice

**Author's Note:**

> An AU. Tom Rakewell is not naive and is aware Nick Shadow is a demon.

Tom Rakewell looked at his manservant critically. “What’s wrong, Nick?”

“Nothing, master.”

“You’ve been unusually quiet this evening, if I didn’t know you better I’d say you were downcast. You should tell me what’s on your mind.”

Shadow shook his head.

Rakewell pulled his nightshirt over his head. “I’m going to bed.” He paused to take another look at the young man standing before him. “And you are going to put your nightshirt on and join me.”

“But master ...”

“After the last few months you can hardly complain about sharing a bed with me – you’re normally extremely enthusiastic whenever I suggest we spend time together. Don’t tell me you’ve had a change of heart?”

“No, master.”

“Then there is no reason for you not to put your nightshirt on and spend the night in bed with me.”

Shadow did as he was told and crept into Rakewell’s bed. Rakewell pulled him close. He was surprised to realise Shadow was quietly crying on his chest. Rakewell rocked the other man in his arms until he fell asleep. Normally Rakewell would quickly have followed suit, but instead he lay awake wondering what had caused this hitherto unexpressed emotion. He would find out in the morning.

***

As soon as they woke the following morning Shadow attempted to wriggle out of bed.

“Oh no you don’t,” Rakewell said, holding him firmly. “Not until you tell me what the problem is.”

“I love you,” Shadow said, so quietly Rakewell could barely hear him.

“That’s not a problem,” Rakewell said, kissing him. “You know I love you... Oh!”

Shadow once again tried to escape, but Rakewell put an arm even more tightly round him. “Tell me!”

“I can’t love you and stay as I am. I shall have to leave, and I don’t want to.”

“Is there no alternative?” Rakewell asked.

“If I renounce my nature for love, I can become mortal and remain here, but my body will rapidly start to fade and I will only live for weeks.”

“Then you must leave. I will not let you die.”

“If I knew you would love me till my death I would gladly stay – I would far rather die with you than live apart from you.”

“My sweet Nick, I would love you forever. How could you doubt it?”

“There would come a time when I will no longer be able to satisfy you.”

Rakewell kissed Shadow tenderly. “What began between us as mere lust has changed into something much more. If it hadn’t I doubt you would have found you loved me.”

“That is true.” Shadow leaned forward and returned the kisses.

“But,” Rakewell asked, “What will happen to you when you die? Will the underworld demand you return to them?”

“No, if our love remains true I shall achieve redemption and be able to ascend instead.”

“Then I will not tell you what to do, but I promise you, if you choose to stay you will retain my heart.”

***

A fortnight later Rakewell returned from an evening out to see Shadow curled into himself on a chair. Formerly his servant would have accompanied him on such outings, and even been instrumental in organising the more enterprising of activities, but now Shadow no longer had the strength and Rakewell had insisted he remain at home and rest.

Rakewell knelt down in front of Shadow. “How are you?”

“All right. I missed you.”

“And I you. It isn’t the same without you.”

Rakewell stood and put his arms around Shadow to help him stand. He had not realised quite how quickly his lover was fading, and instead of helping the man to his feet he lifted him up and carried him to their bed.

Shadow muttered quietly, “I can manage.”

“I know, but I want to help you. Sit there while I help you undress.”

Having assisted Shadow into his nightshirt, Rakewell quickly changed too, before joining him in bed and holding him close.

“I heard from Anne today,” Rakewell said. “I wrote to her yesterday, telling her I intended to return to the country. She intimated she was still waiting for me.”

“That’s good. Will you go back to her?”

“I could be happy with her.”

“I want you to be happy.”

“It won’t be the same.” Rakewell kissed Shadow as he said it.

“I know. I would like you to have someone after I’m no longer with you.”

“Thank you.”

They lay quietly in each others’ arms for a few minutes before Rakewell said, “If you wanted, we could go by the end of this week. My property is small and secluded; no-one would interfere with us.”

“I cannot take you from the city.”

“The city is not the same without you. I shall be returning to the country; the only question is how soon. Would you like to go?”

“Yes, I would like that very much.”

***

Rakewell wrote to Anne to let her know he was returning and bringing his dying friend with him. He intimated he would be pleased to renew their acquaintanceship, but emphasised he wished to devote whatever time was left to his friend. Anne greeted them on their arrival, but made no comment on the way Rakewell tenderly carried Shadow from the coach, for which he was grateful.

An outsider would have said Shadow had rallied now they were in the country, but Rakewell knew better. His lover was more relaxed away from the city and enjoying the country air, but nothing gave him any indication there was any improvement.

They spent the better part of each day in the enclosed courtyard behind Rakewell’s house, Shadow resting on Rakewell while he read or discoursed. Each day Shadow grew slighter, until he seemed to be fading before Rakewell’s eyes, and then one evening, as Rakewell carried him inside he knew Shadow would never go outdoors again.

They lay together in bed that night, Rakewell holding Shadow close and feeling his lover’s thin arms around him. They both dozed, although every slight movement woke Rakewell.

Finally, Shadow opened his eyes. “The time has come,” he said. “Will you take my hands?”

Rakewell held Shadow’s hands within his own and watched as Shadow’s final breath expired, before gently closing his eyes and kissing them.

The sound of an explosion caused Rakewell to turn round. He saw two devils approaching the bed from the corner of the room.

“We’ve come to reclaim our own,” one of the devils sneered.

“He told me he was safe from you,” Rakewell said in alarm.

“It all depends on who gets there first,” the second devil said as he drew nearer to the bed.

“I won’t let you have him!” Rakewell lifted Shadow’s body and held it close to his own chest.

The triumphant note of a trumpet caused them all to look up towards the ceiling. The devils began to retreat as two angels bearing flaming swords appeared.

A third angel descended and held out his hand towards Shadow. Rakewell watched as a being, which resembled Shadow as he had been before he grew ill, stretched out his own hand towards the angel. The angel grasped the outstretched hand and together they moved upwards through the ceiling.

Rakewell laid Shadow’s physical body back on the bed and wept for his lost friend.


End file.
